Author: MDCFT

I WANTED A DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP THAN MY PARENTS HAD

Posted on by MDCFT in Uncategorized

As children in western cultures, we are surrounded by images of how wonderful life will be when we are adults. We will meet our one soulmate, fall in love, get engaged, married and have children. We will live in our rose covered cottage and will be cherished for the rest of our lives. Disney starts us on this understanding of romance. As adults books, films, and even on posts on social media continue this idea. The images friends and acquaintances put online are carefully chosen, and even posed to make their lives look perfect. We know this, but it is still hard not to think that it is reality.

I have talked to many non-autistic people with autistic partners who experienced abuse as children. They grew up with uncertainly, insecurity and instability. Their home lives were unpredictable as at least one adult struggled with life, (E.g. drinking, spending, or needing control) leading to abuse of members of the family.

These people have been determined not to have romantic relationships like the ones they experienced as children. They looked for partners who offered stability, security and certainty. Relationships like they had seen idealised in the media. These are also the characteristics autistic people often have, possibly, making them attractive to people with abusive backgrounds. The non-autistic people were attracted by the honesty and trustworthiness that was an essential part of their autistic partners. They did experience frustrations in their long-term relationships, but they continued to value their partners integrity, honesty and stability.

To read my research follow this link

Which discourses underpin long-term, autistic/non-autistic romantic couples’ understandings of their relationship as they live with and accommodate each other? A critical discourse/narrative inquiry

‘He was refreshingly different’

Posted on by MDCFT in Why are we so different? Accommodating Differences in Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are often a delicate dance between two individuals, each bringing their own experiences, expectations, and quirks to the partnership. When one partner is autistic and the other non-autistic, this dynamic can become even more layered and complex, often leading to moments of both profound connection and perplexing misunderstanding.

‘He was refreshingly different’ is what I often hear women say about what first attracted them to their autistic husbands. People can be looking for partners who are honest and transparent, especially if they have had other close relationships with people where trust has not been established. This lack of artifice is often a characteristic seen in autistic people, and one of their great assets. Yet, as my research showed, this positive characteristic often causes both partners tensions in their romantic relationships.

As the relationship matures the non-autistic partner can become confused by their partners honesty. Instead of seeing this as refreshing, they may start to think that their partner is being rude, or argumentative. For example, when asked ‘Shall we go out with my friends at the weekend?’  the autistic person may respond with ‘I’d rather not as I don’t like being with them that much.’ It is easy to feel rejected along with the friends. But the reality might have been better explained as ‘I don’t like seeing anyone for too long if I can’t get away easily’.

On the flip side, the non-autistic partner’s well-practiced social skills can be confusing to their autistic counterpart. Instances of compromise or emotional accommodation—such as watching a TV show together despite not enjoying it that much—can be misinterpreted as dishonest and may be confusing. The non-autistic partner could respond, ‘Why have you watched Dr Who with me for all these years when you now say that you never enjoyed it? I feel as though you have been lying to me. How can I trust you?’

This illustrates how we should not read our own expectations into our partners efforts at communication. Instead, if we feel hurt or disappointed by something that they have said or done, rather than making assumptions ask for clarification. Try to understand how they believe romantic relationships should work, how they feel that this is not being fulfilled, and then develop a mutually satisfying way forward. I suspect that you will need to keep coming back to this for review!

Which discourses underpin long-term, autistic/non-autistic romantic couples’ understandings of their relationship as they live with and accommodate each other? A critical discourse/narrative inquiry.

Blog – Navigating Differences in Romantic Relationships

Posted on by MDCFT in Uncategorized

Living together in romantic relationships can be a roller-coaster of emotions—hard, confusing, frustrating, satisfying, fun, and rewarding, all at once. It’s not uncommon for couples to find themselves grappling with the reality of living together, especially when their expectations don’t quite match up with the day-to-day experiences.

This blog delves into the ways couples navigate differences and tensions in their lives, particularly focusing on the evolving dynamics of romantic relationships. Drawing from my research, I explore how partners re-frame their understanding of what it means to have a successful relationship as they journey through months and years of living together.

Romantic relationships are not static; they are shaped and reshaped by the unique experiences, compromises, and accommodations that come with time. For many couples, this process is a testament to the resilience of love and the ability to adapt to each other’s quirks and needs. Let’s unpack some of the challenges and triumphs that couples face as they continue to grow and redefine their shared lives.

Which discourses underpin long-term, autistic/non-autistic romantic couples’ understandings of their relationship as they live with and accommodate each other? A critical discourse/narrative inquiry.