As children in western cultures, we are surrounded by images of how wonderful life will be when we are adults. We will meet our one soulmate, fall in love, get engaged, married and have children. We will live in our rose covered cottage and will be cherished for the rest of our lives. Disney starts us on this understanding of romance. As adults books, films, and even on posts on social media continue this idea. The images friends and acquaintances put online are carefully chosen, and even posed to make their lives look perfect. We know this, but it is still hard not to think that it is reality.
I have talked to many non-autistic people with autistic partners who experienced abuse as children. They grew up with uncertainly, insecurity and instability. Their home lives were unpredictable as at least one adult struggled with life, (E.g. drinking, spending, or needing control) leading to abuse of members of the family.
These people have been determined not to have romantic relationships like the ones they experienced as children. They looked for partners who offered stability, security and certainty. Relationships like they had seen idealised in the media. These are also the characteristics autistic people often have, possibly, making them attractive to people with abusive backgrounds. The non-autistic people were attracted by the honesty and trustworthiness that was an essential part of their autistic partners. They did experience frustrations in their long-term relationships, but they continued to value their partners integrity, honesty and stability.
To read my research follow this link
Mid-Devon Community Family Trust (MDCFT) 